My Solar Panel can beat up your Tree

Hubris. It means, basically, great greasy gobs of unjustified pride. And humanity has never had a problem with too little pride.

But this latest story takes snide pride to a new level. The place is Sunnyvale California, a high-tech area that predates and survived the .dot boom and bust. It's a place of expensive homes, expensive cars, expensive toys, and, until now, a true suburban bedroom community. Parks, green grass, and trees. Alas, in the battle between our toys and trees, the trees must go.

Picture this: Two homes, side by side, very nice houses. Both have hybrid vehicles in the driveways, recycle bins bigger than the trash cans, grass lawns, and towering redwood trees. A great place to find environmentalist "wackos", tree-huggers. But there's a new kid in town, and his name is "solar panel".

One of the neighbors has installed $75,000 worth of solar panels. He's proud of his treehugger street cred, by golly, and he wants to make sure that he's getting his money's worth. He wants his electric bill to to go down, he wants to be Captain Planet, single-handedly reducing the dreaded output of that deadly toxic poison, Carbon Dioxide. Yeah, buddy, this guy is so worked up about getting to see his nifty solar panels in action, that he's in a legal battle with his neighbor about it.

What did his neighbor do that was so horrible? Throw paint at his solar panels? Break them? Made it rain for 40 days and nights? Nope. The neighbor's crime was to allow beautiful, stately shade trees, redwoods in fact, to grow tall. You know what redwoods are. They are huge trees, with boughs that produce long tons of leaves, trees that inhale tons and tons of evil carbon dioxide, and produce good old oxygen. Those trees. Been converting CO2 to O2 for millions of years, and they are damn good at it.

Well, those trees piss our Captain Planet off. They are so efficient, absorb so much solar energy, that they block Captain Planet's solar panels, sometimes. For about an hour and a half, in the late afternoon, the shade produced by these wonderful trees dares to fall upon the Holy Solar Panels.

Accordingly, Captain Planet, our hero, has filed suit against the dastardly tree-owner. How dare he allow his trees to shadow the almighty solar panels? Does he not know that technological toys like solar panels are a good thing, because they reduce CO2? Dammit, Captain Planet and his high-tech toys will save the planet, and if a few trees get in the way, then to hell with them!

Proving the theory that appointees to judicial benches in California did and perhaps still do indulge in cannibis sativa on a regular basis, Captain Planet found a judge who agrees with him, and ordered the nefarious neighbor to cut down half his redwood trees.

Wow.

Trees, just by being trees, eliminate CO2 directly. Solar panels might, just might, help this one dude save a few bucks on his electric bill. At his million-dollar house. While he drives his $100K hybrid. While he looks like the high priest of pompous asshats, forcing trees to be sacrificed on his private altar.

This is what happens when old hippies get some money. They don't get smarter, they just cause more trouble on a bigger scale. Look at Willie Nelson.